Friday, July 6, 2007

Rajass Rot ... the kInG of gOoD tImEs

Who said that Kingfisher was the king of good times? That distinction has always belonged and always will belong to the greater Router himself. I’ve known the dude for a few years now and he’s undoubtedly, the king … nay, the monarch of good times. Actually, I needn’t have bothered getting into this tripe in the first place ‘cause the name kinda suggests it ... well, then again maybe it doesn't ... but, just play along won't you ...

Judging by the pigsty that had replaced the bachelor pad that once stood proudly in that very spot atop H5, one couldn’t have imagined that the party beast himself once roamed those very corridors not long before ‘Blondie’ inherited the room during his second year. There was a time when H5 boasted of the raunchiest, most obnoxiously loud parties known to mankind, that even the most clinically insane, necrophilic and most importantly – stone deaf death metal fans of ‘em all couldn’t help but cower in fear and duck out of sight while Rajas played (blared) his music. These death metal fans have often tried to take evil revenge by playing their own brand of music as loud as their own speakers would permit them to , sometime even simultaneously from their rooms next to Rajas’, during the day time when the party beast had decided to hit the sack after an entire night of partying. But Vodka has the merciful effect of turning a person deaf before sending him off to never-never land and the two metal fans have never succeeded in unleashing their evil upon the party beast, for he would awaken unscathed and with his hearing intact after a good day’s slumber while we had no choice but to slink away into the shadows, defeated.

Ask him where he did his engineering and he’ll always tell you that he did in IIT Roorkee. Buddy, but didn’t they decide to give Roorkee the coveted IIT status after you joined and a good two years later too? So, what you’re trying to tell us is that although you joined Roorkee college of engineering, you passed out of an IIT. Wish I had that kind of luck. I might have joined DCE and passed outta AIIMS !

Hostel 5 has always had two kinds of people. It’s like they had some kind of sorting hat like the one that was used in Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry because, it’s uncanny how the most obnoxious losers and the biggest studs always land up in H5. Rajas unfortunately, despite first impressions, belonged to the former category of people, who always tried too hard. If you thought that Parate was bad, you aint seen this smooth operator … er … operating, or trying to operate as the case usually turned out. Nat Geo camera men would be able to attest to the fact that they haven’t seen Tigers waiting in the tall grass to ambush their prey, like Rajas waited for women at Hel(L) to break up with their boyfriends before falling hopelessly in love with them and proposing to them (without once asking them out first, mind you). It’s as though, now that they had lost the excess body weight (read: boyfriends) that they were lugging around, they had become objects of his mindless desire. He’s been visiting the gym and jogging for years now to sculpt that scrawny torso of his and rumour has it that he might have succeeded in realizing his mission statement in IIM, albeit a tad late to acquire a girl friend. The ‘DVDs’ which he had so painstakingly burnt in H5 during Manfest recently therefore must be purely for inspirational purposes and not so much for recreational purposes ;).

Router was always destined for greatness. He was the greatest pondi secy H5 ever had. From day one in H5, it was unanimous that he alone would be pondy secy and none other. Trust me, this guy was the best there was, the best there is … er well … not exactly … we downloaded more of the good stuff in a single week than he’d gotten in an entire year at Hel(L). He had deteriorated to such absolute nothingness that he actually burnt 10 DVDs of the stuff when he paid the hostel a visit during Manfest ’07. Er … didn’t someone say that he’d conned some hapless woman into becoming his girlfriend?

People have often said that the ‘M’ in the MBA degree that Rajas had ‘worked so hard’ to get for two whole years at Hel(L) stood for 'manfest', such was this guy’s dedication to the committee. He’d spend entire nights (if he wasn’t partying that is) glued to his PC working on some presentation or poster or flyer or pamphlet or the other to ensure that every single minute detail was picture perfect (literally). But his dedication unfortunately ended there. There are professors in IIM L who’ve exclaimed – “Rajas who?” when the dude was mentioned in their presence and these were professors whose subjects Rajas had taken when he was in Hel(L). He used to bunk classes as though bunking was going out of fashion and almost earned himself an I grade. Actually he did manage to get an I. How he managed to wriggle out of that tough spot is a story in itself. Being a denizen of Nocturnia, he used to stay up the entire night and go to bed only in the wee hours of the morning, which of course meant that attending classes wasn't exactly an option anymore :D. One peek into his room and it would be obvious even to the untrained eye from the sight of the naked body of the great one lying in a heap beside another heap of ‘party like’ articles (and the undeniable odour of ‘alcoholic substances’ in the air) that the night before had been one of 'those' nights. We’ve often had to literally shake the great one from slumber land, give him a swig or two of his favourite drink and subsequently dispatch him onwards to class, lest he suffer the wrath of the concerned professor owing to a dismal attendance record. Miraculously, the dude has managed to top some subjects after being woken up just in time for the exam, even when he actually realized which subject it was that he was attending an examination for, only after seeing it printed in bold letters at the top of the question paper.

Coming back to the great one’s room at Hel(L). It wasn’t a hostel room so much as it was a party shack, a luxury studio apartment or a condo. I kid you not people … at one time, he had a full fledged bar (with the works), a sofa, wall hangings, huge blowups on the wall, the loudest speakers possible for a room that tiny and his (and H5’s ) crowning glory – a refrigerator ! The only thing(s) the room lacked was a Jacuzzi and most importantly – women! Yours truly has actually feigned headaches and begged the party beast to lower the volume of the music emanating from his room during one of his famous parties. I’m a musician myself. I listen to death metal but I can also appreciate other forms of music at a rudimentary level and even pretend to enjoy some other genres but strains of ‘It’s the time to disco’ at precisely 4 in the morning, can make even the most sadistic, hardened criminals beg for mercy and promise to be good henceforth, let alone semi-deaf death metal fans such as yours truly!

In his two years in Hel(L), Lord Router has graced the mess workers with an appearance for a total of twenty times and that too while passing through from the gym to the slums. He would have died of starvation for sure if weren’t for fauji dhabha / the canteen. We had to often lie to the mess workers through our teeth that the lazy bum was really ill and down with high and that he would therefore need food to be delivered to his room, lest he died in his sleep. But, the dude wasn’t completely averse to the idea of patronizing the mess. He’s often been spotted in the premises of the mess after 11 pm (so go the rumours). Night mess was often his only source of voluntary nourishment but he rarely could motivate himself to get dressed and out of bed. Most of us on the top floor used to get out of our rooms on our tippy toes, lest Rajas should ‘command’ us to bring him an ‘allu parantha’ or two from the night mess (with the mandatory pickles of course).

Rajas Raut is confidence personified. He’s so confident that he’s actually got himself convinced that he’s a great dancer. Most people who’ve seen him dance on the other hand, would agree with me when I say that Mr. Rajas Raut can’t dance if his life depended on it. He gives 'break dancing' a bad name. Maybe he should try convincing people that he’s an expert in free form dancing. The dude actually walks around snapping his fingers like he’s listening to the latest groovy Hindi hit number to hit the charts, all the time … a little weird if it’s during the first ten minutes you’ve met him.

Rajas Raut likes Bhelpuri with Vodka, Allu Paranthas with Vodka, chocolate with Vodka, Idlis with Vodka … the dude could possible down half a maggot drowning in dog puke if you gave him a glass of vodka with it … I kid you not!

But, I do miss those days. There’s never a dull moment when the dude’s around. Always the one to greet me with a sing song – “murgi o murgi” (a tradition that was carried on by Amol in his own style), Rajas Raut was the life of hostel 5. If it rained, you’d find Rajas bathing - bar of soap in hand, shampoo, scrubber et al, on the road … while befuddled onlookers could only gape in amazement at the spectacle they were witnessing, for it’s not everyday that you see grown men bathing in public (well not in an IIM atleast). His love for frolicking in the rain was so great that he couldn’t help himself one rainy day and got himself soaked to the bone during the first rains in a long time, for which he paid the price dearly by chaffing his inner thighs (or was it a rash) causing him to walk like Charlie Chaplin for a week :D

Miss ya bro … why couldn’t you forget your charger in Bangalore again so that you’d come back to visit? I know that’s the only reason you called me when you came down to Bangalore … to get your stinkin’ charger back … cheapskate !!!!! %#^#$&#